5 reasons why my husband annoys me

derrick and I remix

Yup, you read that right.  My husband can annoy me. No one can annoy me more than that man…NO ONE! He will do things that will keep me up all night stewing over how aggravated I am. He says things that make me want to throw large, pointless objects at him. My husband has the insurmountable power to make me go from cool and calm to “WIFEZILLA” sometimes without even saying a word.  Impressive, right?  Come on wives, can I get an amen?!  For instance, We are sitting in bed. Nice, clean sheets. I am looking at pinterest and he walks in ready to hop in to bed also. I look forward to that time together. It is such sweet talks and loving stares …..but NOT TONIGHT! He has a bowl with him and I know what is inside that bowl.  Cereal! I know, what is the big deal with cereal, you may ask. Let me tell you. It is not the cereal but the sound of the CHEWING the cereal that gets me every time. Crunch, crunch, big breath, snarl, crunch crunch….”AAAAAGGGGHHHH, can you please eat that in a different room?”  My husband….oblivious! Completely clueless as to why I am making such a big deal out of a bowl of cereal.  Well, at least for the first two times. Now, he has that ornery grin on his face as he brings the bowl in. He knows, he knows!

Here’s another one.< SNAPPING>  He snaps his fingers over and over if he is really busy with something but wants to get the kid’s or the dog’s attention.  Ember is having a meltdown <SNAP, SNAP, SSSSNNNAAAPPP>  The dog is jumping up and down driving us all crazy. <Snapity, Snap, SNAP>   “Oh my goodness, get up and do something about it. Stop Snapping!!!”

There are plenty of other things that can annoy me to the ends of the earth but are honestly too personal to post but they do include his view on money, free time, the way he drives,  night routines, sleep, house chores, car maintenance, vegetables, humor, the way he combs his hair doesn’t comb his hair….the list could go on and on and you know what, it will continue to go on and on if I let it, but that is not what this post is about.  AAAHHH see, I fooled you! Well, maybe not but humor me.

I’ve noticed in my marriage that I can get to a place where EVERYTHING, literally everything my husband does or touches annoys me. Its an ugly feeling. I hate it. I loathe it. It annoys me too!  I get to this place and I can either blame him or take a self evaluation and ask myself what is wrong here.  Something isn’t right, I say to myself. Surely I wasn’t crazy enough to marry someone this irritating.  At this point I can either decided to change him and dedicate the rest of my days to dealing with these issues he has until each one is in order and customized to my liking (by the way, husbands don’t take well to this approach!) or I can choose to change myself; my views, my ticks…my heart.

After having a heart to heart with myself and God and with some inspiration from many Focus on the Family broadcasts (which is one thing I could not live without…more on that later), Here are five reasons why I’m getting annoyed.

image (3)

#1  I’m finding my identity and security in Him instead of Christ.   This is probably the biggest one for me. Many days I look to Derrick for my happiness, my comfort, safety and provisions. Yes, God did place him as the head of our home and I am to follow him and look to him to provide but he is human and in the end only God can supply all of my needs. Phil. 4:19  He never asked Derrick to supply everything for me. What would I need God for if that were the case. My Father longs for a relationship with me and that is why I was created. He gave me my husband as a gift and not a substitute of my relationship with Him. Derrick will make mistakes just as I make mistakes and if I put all of my hope and faith in him, I will be let down A LOT  which leads to me being annoyed…A LOT!  That is where grace comes in to my marriage and if my Identity is in Christ I can tap into the grace He has given me and show that to my husband.

photo (1)

 

#2 I am focusing on the negative and not the positive.  Oh boy, here is a fun one! I’m really good at finding the negative and not just in my marriage.  It comes naturally for me. Its one of my strongest characteristics <insert uncomfortable laugh>! But, good thing it is fixable. If I am always ready for the negative in my relationship with this man God has given to me I will always see him with bitterness and will never be satisfied.  If I am never satisfied as a wife then my husband feels he can never make me happy which in turn causes him to back away emotionally and relationally. It is just a downward spiral. While listening to Gary Thomas speak on Focus on the Family about The Faithful Influence of a Godly Wife, a few things hit like darts in my heart. He said, If you focus on where your marriage falls short, you will think your marriage into dissatisfaction. You know we’ve all been there. You let a few negative thoughts creep in without resolution and before you know it you don’t see anything positive in the relationship anymore and you wonder how you even got to this place. It can be devastating, I’ve been there and I strive to never get back. That road is way to bumpy for me! In Philippians 4:8 it says …Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think on these things. Of course, your marriage will not always be rosey and perfect and there will be issues that need attention. You can’t just pretend your way to a happy marriage but, I have found, even in those moments there is always something to be thankful for. For instance, the cereal… He came to bed with me to spend time with me, he worked so hard to provide that cereal, he’s willing to fix the cereal on his own instead of some men I know who think that is the woman’s job.  See what I mean? There is always something!

derrick at lorens wedding

#3 Find out who he is. The older I get and the longer we have been married, I realize that we both are changing constantly. Things we liked when we first met may not be passions we have now. Ways we handled things in our 20’s probably and thankfully are handled differently now. I thought, when I first met this brilliant man I’m married to, that he was really outgoing and an extrovert…couldn’t have been farther from the truth and it is just in the last 2 years that I am really understanding that about my little introverted weirdo! (I say that because I am completely extroverted. ) This makes a big difference in how I react when someone comes to the house and he does not come to the door to say hello to them. I used to stew over how rude he was being and how uncomfortable it made me. Now, after really searching out and asking him about it…FINALLY, you’d think I would have thought to do that 10 years ago!…I realize, it doesn’t even occur to him.  They are not there to see him and his introverted mind says ” stay here, you don’t have to make small talk”! Learn what he feels, what makes his heart beat faster, what makes him smile, what makes him sad.  After becoming moms, we get so busy with learning all about our kids that we don’t take the time to do the same with our Loves. This is the man you will be living the rest of your earthly days with or at least hope to anyway. It’s worth the time!

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#4 I’m Letting other people impact my view of him instead of God. This may or may not be something you struggle with but I am a people pleaser.  I have fallen into the trap of talking to my friends about all the things my husband does that drives me crazy.  It is honestly an innocent thing.  Just talking with the girls but before you know it, you’re in a trap!  Girl! Don’t let him treat you like that. Who does he think he is? I would tell him BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!  He’d be on the couch at my house. Or my favorite, you’re a saint for putting up with him. He is lucky you have stuck through this long!  What gives them the right?  I know we mean well when we make comments like this but it is so damaging to a marriage.  What seems like simple talking turns into sitting up in bed that night thinking through the words over and over until you believe it and it never ends on a positive note.  I read something once on Pinterest that I will never forget.  Yup, see, pinterest changed my life!! lol  “Never talk bad about your husband to anyone, Never!”  Let me elaborate just a tad on this though.  I do have a friend, a very dear friend, that I can go to when I am struggling and I need someone to speak truth to me, pray with me or just say this really isn’t as big as you’re making it.  I am honest with her. I do tell her the good bad and the ugly, but it is constructive, it has a purpose and I do believe everyone needs a friend just like her….she is taken though so find your own!

Ok, last one and if you have made it this far, you are my star reader!! Thank you for sticking through on this long post!

Derrick and right before we started officially dating on 2002

Derrick and right before we started officially dating on 2002

 

#5  Don’t forget what made you fall in love in the first place!  You’ve heard it said many times, what made you fall in love with him then is probably what it driving you crazy now.  “Oh no, but we are in love. I could never be annoyed with him.  We don’t fight and we never will”  Oh the sweet words of love birds.  Ten years later I am laughing! What did I fall in love with? He was spontaneous, we didn’t have to have a plan, we just went for it and I loved that!  Not everything has a reason or rhyme. If it was going to make me smile, he wanted to do it for me or buy it for me.  He was full of passion at things he was good at.  Derrick is one of the most gifted speakers I know, he wins every game or contest or competition (well maybe not every but it sure feels like it) He is musically gifted, he is full of knowledge of the Bible and people love him.  When he puts his heart and mind to something it consumes him.  I loved when I was the one he was consumed by!  All of these things are still a part of him but of course now they are just playing out in a different ways because life changes. Now, it is OUR money we spend and my time we are playing with. The spontaneity isn’t as welcome and loved by his pretty little bride, aka ME. His passion is great as long as it is something I understand or something that doesn’t take time away from what I need him to do.  Otherwise it annoys me to no end. I can’t forget though that this is the man I fell so deeply head over heals for and there is a reason! I needed some of these quirks about him in my life. It balances me, it grows me, it humbles me.

WHEW!  There you have it.  Now, after figuring this out, my marriage is perfect and I am the Godly wife my husband always dreamed of!!  Wrong! I struggle. I fall and I am so thankful for God’s grace over my marriage. I do find though, when I focus on these things, I see my prince charming in a different light. I love him deeply for all he does for me, for all God made him to be and all he is making him to be.  Most of all , don’t try to change him or even sit around waiting for God to change him. Ask God to change your heart. Pray daily, hourly, every minute if you have to for your marriage and more specifically your husband because if the devil can pull you apart he’s accomplished the hardest task of all.

So, what helps you when you find yourself annoyed.  Please share!!

27 comments to 5 reasons why my husband annoys me

  • Sarah S

    What a great post. I have, which I hope most Godly women, come to these realizations myself. One other thing that I have discovered. If I look at how I can make his life easier and happier I am happier. If I focus on “Why doesn’t he do x,y or z to make life easier and happier”, I am miserable. From the pocketbook to the bedroom I have found this to be true.
    I will start looking for you blog. Your a fabulous writer. One day you’ll have a book! Love you and miss you.

    • Thank you for sharing that Sarah. That is a great point! So many problems in marriage come because we are focused on “ME”. Also, thank you for your kind words. I love writing and have really enjoyed diving into it the last two months. I have so much to learn but I love having God lay something on my heart and then seeing where He takes it. It has already been a fun journey!

  • Love this, if only I could stamp this on my forehead and write it on my hand, “He gave me my husband as a gift and not a substitute of my relationship with Him. Derrick will make mistakes just as I make mistakes and if I put all of my hope and faith in him, I will be let down A LOT which leads to me being annoyed…A LOT! That is where grace comes in to my marriage and if my Identity is in Christ I can tap into the grace He has given me and show that to my husband.”

  • These are great! I’m learning to trust in God and find my identity in Christ instead of my husband. Thank you for sharing.
    Starla J recently posted…Stop comparing your life to others.My Profile

  • I shared this on Google+. I tried clicking on your g+ icon to follow you put I believe it isn’t working. You may want to check. Just a heads up. 🙂
    Starla J recently posted…Stop comparing your life to others.My Profile

  • This is a very thoughtful post. I think my biggest struggle is finding my security in him instead of Christ. It is so “easy” with him being here and visible and tangible. Sigh
    Charity recently posted…The Sky is Cloudy Scavenger HuntMy Profile

  • This really resonates with me. Why is it that we build others up, but spend so much time nitpicking our husband’s behavior, anyways? I have been really working on changing my perspective and seeing what *I* need to change instead of what others need to change to make me happy. hah. As if the world revolved around me…nope.
    Betsy @ BPhotoArt recently posted…Memories of Painting With GrandpaMy Profile

    • Isn’t that the truth! It is so easy to find what I need to pray for my husband so that God can make him who I need him to be. A little harder to ask God to show me what I need to change to make me who he wants me to be. Thanks so much for the comment!

  • What a great post! I think we all get annoyed with our husbands sometimes. I know I do with mine. He does this thing with his teeth where he sucks spit in and I want to go through the roof every time he does it. I know I do things that annoy him as well. It’s just trying to accept those things that we need to work on, and know that we didn’t marry them to try to change them. I’m trying to focus on the positive as well.
    Thanks for sharing this on the Shine Blog Hop!
    Tiffany @ A Touch of Grace recently posted…#graceeveryday2014 Week 21My Profile

    • I love it! I know exactly what you are talking about when you say he sucks his spit! My brother does that! lol Funny how you can literally feel your blood pressure rise when they start doing it. Thanks for taking time to read this and especially for sharing what you are learning and working on!

  • I love this post, you are so honest but not spilling too many beans. I recently told my husband that I hate that he uses a fork to stir his coffee. We usually share the stirring implement and a fork just doesn’t cut it for me. He stopped using forks. But I’ve really tried hard to see the little things he does for me and make sure that I show him appreciation for it. We’ve been working on our love language and how we show love and appreciation for each other since we’ve also gotten to that annoyed stage. It’s not always easy, but when you love someone you put some effort into it.
    Jennifer recently posted…My SolitudeMy Profile

    • I am so glad you liked it Jennifer. Thank you for reading. I intentionally tried to make sure I didn’t spill the beans in my honesty. I am glad you noticed! There are bigger things of course than I mentioned that we have to work through but no one needs to read that! lol It is so important to notice the little things they do like using a different utensil because in the end you can see their heart through that and it makes it all big things! Discovering our love language has been a big help for me. I am learning that he does not show love like I do and he doesn’t accept love the same way I do. I may have the house clean when he gets home, hoping he will be so filled with joy… he could care less..most of the time doesn’t even notice. It took me almost 10 years to realize, that is not what he needs and I am not going to get the reaction I am hoping for. Now I just clean the house for me…cause it makes me happy! So good to “meet” you!

  • Wow! You said it out loud, your husband annoys you. You go girl! I am guilty of sharing my annoyances with my friends and then getting caught in the same trap you talked about (I’m pretty much guilty of all of these at different times). Thanks for sharing that we are not perfect in our marriage but that we are here to work through it and with God find happiness and peace in our marriage over and over and over again!

    • Haha, thanks Emily. Every day there is something I could let really get to me that he does
      (as I am sure he could say the same of me) but like you said, you work through it and learn to love them more because of it. I have gotten caught in that “tear your husband down” party far too many times. At the moment it seems so innocent but in the end it is completely damaging. Thanks so much for commenting. I have another post I am working on about my husband again…poor guy! lol

  • What a wonderful, powerful post! You have certainly highlighted some wonderful points as to why you are getting annoyed. Praise God that I can love through the tough moments and irritations. My husband is an amazing, beloved creation of God… knowing that makes me love him… anyone, all the more.

    Thank you so much for sharing (and for linking up to the SHINE Blog Hop).

    Wishing you a blessed day.
    xoxo
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…Make Money By Advertising On Your BlogMy Profile

  • […] 5 Reasons Why My Husband Annoys Me – Raising Up Stones […]

  • Hi there. You are my neighbor on Titus Tuesday. Love your Post title! We are ALL annoying at some point. I love how you address this and bring it back around. Very well done. It will help many people, I hope. It can take so many who are just starting out in marriage a long time to learn these things. Have a great day.
    Kim Adams Morgan recently posted…Worship and FaithMy Profile

  • […] (remember that quirk that you thought was so adorable when you were dating and now it just annoys you?!?), respect their intentions, respect their limits. I have to stop for a moment on this last […]

  • Kristal Newport

    Cassie, you ate such a talented writer! I love checking in on your blog and reading your posts. They don’t always resonate with me (being that I’m not a mother & wife). But this one his close to home…I’m always finding things about my boyfriend that annoy me, the way he shows off in front of his friends, the way he never lets me win at darts, the way he barges in on me while I’m using the restroom….And so on. But I found that if I quit looking for things that annoy me about him then sometimes I don’t notice them as much. I just don’t understand why men can be so annoying in the first place, I mean, why can’t they just be perfect, like us!! Lol. Thanks for sharing your heart with us! Keep it up Cass!

  • This is beautiful. Something even the unmarried needs to always remember.
    Lux Ganzon recently posted…10 Practical Ways To Love YourselfMy Profile

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