And Then He Was One

 

and then he was one

 

“I am not quite sure I would be a good boy mom” I used to find myself telling others. I had my two girls and being a “girl” mom was exactly how I always pictured it. I tend to be a little dramatic, I am not by any means outdoorsy, sports pretty much confuse me and as much as I absolutely love my nephews, I hate buying them gifts because the toys for boys are just no fun at all!! God must have known this about me because he gave me two perfectly girly, dramatic princesses and I felt I was in my comfort zone…UNTIL

Its a boy

Derrick and I are sitting in the ultrasound room, my belly full of orange juice hoping to have an active baby that will show us clear results of the gender! We don’t know it yet but it is almost exactly 5 months before we will meet this amazing addition to our family. We hold hands and then I see “IT”.  I knew right away, before the nurse said a word.  I was having a son. Inside of me was a little outdoorsy, sports lovin’, boring toy playing boy!  I honestly was ecstatic at the time and couldn’t wait to tell everyone that after two girls, God was blessing us with a boy.  We went out and bought him his first outfit, we bought a preemie size because each of our girls wore preemie home but little did we know our son would far outweigh his sisters at birth! I was going to be a boy mom and I could totally get used to hearing that!

“I’m going to have a boy!” I said through tears of fear and anxiety.  It was about a week after the ultrasound and it had all hit me. As my husband came in from work one evening, he found me on the couch crying and being what seemed somewhat dramatic to him, I am sure. I was really feeling this though. I knew I had no idea what to do with a boy. Could I even help him if I didn’t know how to do “boy” things? I honestly was so scared of my future as a mom with this growing baby inside of me. As the pregnancy went on, my fear faded and my love grew. I knew that God would give me the strength and the tools I needed to train and raise this little guy.

belly photopregnant with sawyer

The whole labor process was crazy, as was with all of my children but finally, after a week of being told he would be here any day, Sawyer James was born a healthy 8lbs 11.8 oz and 21 in. long. (and that was a week early thank goodness!) He screamed out and I instantly began to cry.  I could not wait to see my son and hold him. I checked each finger and toe and looked into his beautifully formed eyes. Right away, as many say is the case, my bond with my son was different than it was or ever will be with my girls.  He needed my love just the same as they did but somehow, he needed it in a different way. When the nurses took him back I remember asking a question and they said he turned his head so fast when he heard my voice. He has loved me so deeply from day one!

mommy and sawyersawyer neworn

None of my children have clung to me as hard and as long as my sweet Sawyer has. At times it has been a difficult  situation but  I have loved every minute of being his world. Yes, it is important that he knows how to comfort himself and that he can be left with others when I am not able to be with him but I know that all too soon this little guy who hugs me often and kisses with mouth wide open will give his heart to another woman. As life goes on and my babies become grown ups, my girls will grow closer to their momma (I am praying). They will need my advice on being a mother and wife themselves. However, my son will grow closer to his loving wife and rightfully so. He will still need me of course and his love, I pray, will never change but his wife will fulfill many of the needs he has that mommy was always there for.

sawyer and mommy mother's day

I hope he always wants hugs but I have watched other mother’s long enough to know that kisses and late night rocking chair sing-a-longs will quickly become a distant memory with my son. Even sooner, pinching his adorable little booty cheeks during diaper changes will no longer be acceptable.  Oh how I’ll miss that sweet little tushy!

sawyer and tie

That is why, with my son growing before my eyes, I am taking every moment and doing my best to remember these feelings and images I have and I see. Remembering the smell of lavender on his head after his evening baths, the way his arm falls so tightly around my neck in the morning when I lift him out of bed. I pray I never forget his sweet hand resting near my heart as he falls asleep while nursing or the way he reaches for me and giggles anytime I walk into the room.

God showed his love to me in such a deep way when he brought my son to me. It is funny how He knows exactly what we need and what will bring us great joy. The Lord loves to give His children gifts (Matthew 7:11) and He really outdid himself with this bouncing, spirited, boy with a smile that literally lights up my life.

super sawyer

Tonight, as his first birthday comes to a close, I thank my God for creating such a beautiful face and happy heart. In one year our lives are fuller and our hearts are swollen with pride. Sawyer is my son, and I am elated to say “I am a BOY mom!!”

Happy 1st Birthday sweet boy.  May you grow in wisdom and love and always know you are treasured both in this home and in the Heavens!

months of sawyer

 

3 comments to And Then He Was One

  • Tiffany Starnes

    I love this! I remember your anxiety as you absorbed having a boy, and then I remember the joy in your eyes when you said you were in love. You said there is no better love than a son! He is a child of pure joy!

  • This is such a sweet post. I always thought I would have a boy, but I got a little girl instead. And it makes me think too, this is what HE wanted me to have and what I needed in my life.

  • Derrick Stone

    What beautiful words, beautiful momma, and beautiful boy. You both brighten a room and your bond is so sweet. You’re s great boy momma! And he already knows how lucky he is. Happy birthday son!

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