Can I Nurse Him Forever?

 

can I nurse him forever

That time is coming nearer and nearer. I find myself sitting in that rocking chair as long as possible just hoping to take in as much of these moments as my heart will allow. My sweet sawyer is 11 months old now and I always said I would wean my babies at 1 year. With My first daughter, I worked full time, so my milk supply was gone by around 5 or 6 months. My second daughter came along and she was a nursing mother’s nightmare! She growled and wiggled through every feeding and thank God my milk dried up by 6 months!! I happily gave that girl a bottle! Then there is my Sawyer; my son. He is completely attached to me but is taking big steps and finding comfort in a very special nursery worker at our church and of course his daddy! Nursing him has gone so well. He has never had an issues and has been such a joy.

In the beginning, I struggled because he needed to eat every 2 hours or less. He would eat for short spurts but he loved to eat! As time went on, I enjoyed every minute with him. He loves to grab my face, stare into my eyes and we have some special moments. During this time we get alone, I Pray for him; I pray God gives him wisdom, that He finds a wife that will bless him and that he will grow to be a man of honor and truth. I pray for his purity and for his eyes to be guarded from the many evil things this world is longing to throw in front of him. I sing to him; I sing ” You are My Sunshine“, “Your Song” and the special song that has always been just for he and I “Beautiful as You“.

As I said in the beginning though, that time is coming to an end. In about two weeks, my sweet baby boy will be 1 year old and that means goodbye to possibly the last nursing moment I will ever have with my child. I have been very emotional about this and my heart is hoping for the time to slow down. Why do I have to stop? Can’t I just feed him one more year? They say that is good for their health! That is what I’ll do, just go until he is two. But, deep down, I know it is time. He has received the nutrients he needs from his momma and with how much table food he gobbles down, he will be just fine without me.

Will I be fine without him though? The truth is, I selfishly am not ready to give up these evening retreats. Sawyer is as wild as any boy I know and is full of curiosity and wonder. A few times a day, however, I get him all to myself. He is still, content and beautiful in my arms. He finds rest and security through me and my heart is so grateful for the times I have had with him.
I know I have to let go, though. He is ready, he is strong now and as hard as this weaning process will be for both of us, it is what is best for he and I. He needs to find comfort in his own way and I have to learn to let him. I will not always be able to be his one and only security and this is just the first step for both of us to grow.

Oh boy, am I so thankful though for the late nights, busy days and sweet memories of nursing. Not every mom has been given this gift or was able to enjoy it but I sure have. I have been blessed. Blessed with sweet coos, precious fingers clenching, the beauty of those eyes looking at you almost as if to say “thank you mommy”. The feeling of wonder of the creation God instilled in me and the breathtaking realization of how He is using me to provide for this little life. Most of all, the one on one time, delicate moments of quiet and peaceful breaths that lead to a night of slumber (or a few hours!) It is time to say goodbye to these present moments but never to forget the past memories.

 

16 comments to Can I Nurse Him Forever?

  • Sue

    I wanted to encourage you to rethink your decision to wean at one year. I have 4 children and nursed 3 of them. My first had a cleft palate and wasn’t able to nurse. My second was a pro and I nursed her for a year because she weaned herself. My 3rd also had a cleft and I pumped and bottle fed and eventually taught him to nurse (lots of hard work) by 6 months. He nursed for another year. My 4th baby was another pro at nursing and we didn’t stop our nursing sessions until she turned 3. Those days of nursing her as a one and two year old were so precious. Of course I understand everyone has different life circumstances, but I only wanted to encourage you to not think you have to wean just because you are at the one year mark.

    • Thank you, Sue. I appreciate your encouragement! I am considering continuing evenings. Maybe just one feeding before bed. He still wakes up 3 times a night though…any recommendation on that? I am pretty sure it is habit or for comfort. He falls right asleep while eating so I know he is not hungry. I don’t know if I can do that for another year! I want that time but…I’m tired!! lol During the day he is kind of weaning himself but night is still going strong.

  • You got me thinking today about all the times I’ve had to let go. Bittersweet. You are in such a precious time of life. Enjoy each moment, mama!
    Yvonne recently posted…Motherhood: When Releasing Our Children to God’s Plan HurtsMy Profile

  • This is so sweet. I wasn’t able to breastfeed, but we are able to have those moments too. Don’t give up hope that you can’t have them! We do cuddle time before bed and in the mornings. I love snuggling with her and it’s a very special time for me. We also sing together before bed.
    Jennifer recently posted…Making A New Mommy Friend; The Lady DateMy Profile

    • Thank you so much Jennifer for the encouragement! It is good to hear that the snuggles don’t have to stop. I am sure we will find out time and what works best. It can be just as special!

  • Oh, I so empathize with you! I just recently weaned my son, and it was so incredibly bittersweet. I actually just wrote a post about weaning because it really is so. very. hard. The best part is you can keep nursing and nursing for as long as your heart and your son desires.
    Lauren recently posted…Top 5 Reasons Military Spouses are Anything but DependentMy Profile

    • Thank you Lauren. I have actually considered continuing at night for another 6 months. My only struggle is, he is waking up 3 times a night and we are both exhausted. I know he doesn’t need the milk at this point but it is for the comfort. I love being that for him but I know I have to cut it off at some point. I think we will play it by ear the next month and see how it goes. I will read your post though! I would love to read another mothers thoughts on it!

  • I remember cherishing breastfeeding moments with my second (with my first I was constantly stressed out about it). Breastfeeding was tough for me (plugged milk ducts, mastitis, etc.) but the tender moments were worth it.

    My youngest all of a sudden decided one day she did not want the breast. I was so sad that I never had the opportunity to adjust to the idea that she was weaning… she just stopped. The memories though, are precious.

    Thank you for sharing (and for linking up to the SHINE Blog Hop).

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    xoxo
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…SHINE Blog Hop #5My Profile

  • Sallie

    Cassie, what a beautiful post! I’ve never had the opportunity to breast feed my three. But I was still able to bottle-feed while holding them close to me in my arms. I was disappointed also around this age – about 8 months to a year because they wanted to wriggle and be on the move! I wanted to sit and hold them, but they wanted to crawl, and eventually walk around everywhere! Hang in there! You are such a good and patient mother! Hugs! Missing you!!!

  • Sigh….this post hits me hard right now! I totally relate as I prepare to wean my youngest, who is 14months. I NEVER thought we’d nurse this long. it’s been a rough ride with many ssleepless nights but I’m still not ready to stop.
    Natalie recently posted…New HomeMy Profile

    • I am there with you when you say it has been a rough ride. I never thought I could make it this far with this little sleep. Both of my girls slept through the night at early ages. Now, I get up at least 3 times a night. It feels like forever yet it is gone so quickly. Hang in there momma, we will get through this together!!

  • Beautiful post! If you’re on the fence about this, then I would encourage you to continue nursing past a year, but maybe cut back on feedings. Once my babies reach 1, I’m usually only nursing them 2-3 times (wake-up, naptime, and bedtime) at the most. But every mom has to figure out what the timing is for them, and just because I’m OK with extended breastfeeding doesn’t mean you have to be. I’m not wanting to push that on you, but I just want you to know that there are many ways of doing it without having to stop altogether.

    Enjoy those nursing snuggles while you can!
    Gabby@MamaGab recently posted…Everything Disney RoundupMy Profile

    • Thank you for the encouragement! I have been really considering nursing just through the evenings. My only set back is how often he wakes up. It is selfish, I know but I don’t know if I can continue getting up 3 times a night for another year! I know he is not hungry each time. It has just become his security or a habit. Do you still struggle with that? Did you find a way to get through that part? I think he will be fine weaning through the day…It is our nights that he will have a hard time with.

  • It’s really not selfish at all to want to sleep a little more at night. You will feel so much better and you’ll be a happier mom once you start sleeping more hours consecutively at night. Or at least that’s how it affects me! My 2nd & 3rd babies were like that. With each of them, I reached the point where I just said I can’t do this anymore–I can’t be the all night milk factory. So I just stopped nursing after bedtime. They cried at first but they adjusted eventually. One was 10 months (and I was pregnant with #3) when I came to that conclusion and the other was 16 months. It helps if daddy can go in their room to soothe them back to sleep or give them a pacifier instead.
    Gabby@MamaGab recently posted…Everything Disney RoundupMy Profile

  • […] almost in the blink of an eye, it is over. I am in this stage with my youngest child and as I wrote here, I have struggled through it myself. This stage is hard to accept. This stage brings emotions that […]

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