Intimacy: Naked and Unashamed

 

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Bone and Flesh

One of the most beautiful gifts God has given us in our marriages is intimacy. You see it from the very beginning of time between Adam and Eve. God looked on man, stating “it was good” after each of His creations, and knew he was missing something. In Genesis 2:20 we read, but for Adam, no suitable helper was found. So, it says that the Lord God put Adam into a deep sleep and removed one of his ribs.

Let’s sit on that for just a moment. This is God. God is creating the woman. Up until now He used dirt to create His masterpiece but here you see something very special. We can’t miss this! When creating a helper for Adam, for man, he took a piece out of the man. He used a piece of the man he had already created and made a woman, a helper, for him.  Why is this so powerful for us? This is powerful because we are not just another human being. We are part of man. Man is part of us.

In verse 23 the man speaks. In fact, it is the first account of man speaking. He says, “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of man.” THIS IS INTIMACY. Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.  This statement is so easily forgotten in the trappings of each day. Work, laundry, screaming kids, traffic, and last minute grocery store runs drown it out. Social media, game systems, ESPN and hobbies tend to drift us from the truth. We are one! I am my beloveds and he is mine. This may sound mushy or over dramatic but it’s truly beautiful and whether we understand it or not, it is what we crave. It is what we desire.  God said, It is not good for man to be alone. So He made the woman and the two became one flesh.

The Hiding Game

Not only are we one flesh, but in our original state, the way God first made us to be, we were naked together and unashamed. This is more than just physical nakedness, I believe. Although, that does play into a beautiful and perfect view of intimacy, also. Through studying God’s original design, they had nothing to hide from one another and even more importantly, nothing to hide from God. How many couples can genuinely say they have NOTHING to hide from their spouse? Whether it be a feeling they don’t want to communicate, a physical feature that makes them feel uncomfortable, a past that they’re ashamed of or a sin they are currently struggling through, the majority of marriages are captured by this need to “hide themselves”.

My marriage has not been immune to the hiding. In the beginning, I think we both thought we were open with everything but as time went on, we both realized our insecurities and our areas of shame that we help close and away from the others view. This began to damage our intimacy. I held feelings of insecurity and perceptions that I had no idea how to express. Fears, anxiety and pain that I would quickly form a wall around and hide behind.  Derrick also had his own fears and anxiety but along with that began hiding a sin in his life that would quickly erode at any bit of vulnerability or closeness we had left together.  After 5 years of marriage, we were almost done. On our 5th anniversary, we celebrated by sitting at our sister and brother in laws apartment (where we were living at the time) with our 2 month old daughter while he played video games with a bowl of cereal and I ate a fried egg sandwich. It was one of our lowest moments we hate to remember but hope to never forget. You see, Derrick had made arrangements for dinner but I was so hurt and confused and he was so unavailable in our marriage that I told him we had nothing to celebrate on this year and I did not want to go to diner with him and pretend we were fine.

I did not make the right choice that day. I do wish I would have opened my heart one more time to the possibility of rebuilding what was once ours but it speaks volumes of where hiding can take your intimacy together and where it took ours in such a short amount of time.

Into Me See

I read an acticle from Focus on the Family that described intimacy as In- to- me – see. What a clear definition and so easy to keep in mind. Into me see fears, ugly thoughts, painful memories and selfish anticipations. In to me see my dreams, desires, goals and thrills.  How fascinating to think of a relationship where we hold nothing back. We keep nothing from the one who has given their whole being to us in return. We daily bring them to a place in our hearts where they are given front seat viewing of who we are, what we have been and where we want to go…Daily!!

Continuing on with this article I read, the author brought out this point.

Real intimacy is not found just by merging bodies in sex. When Jesus said, “and the two shall become one. . . ” I can’t help but think that He meant more than just the physical. After all, how many couples go to bed at night, share their bodies, but not their hearts? Undoubtedly, many of these people would say they are very lonely. Why? Because just as a garden hose is not the source of water, but only an expression, or vehicle for it, so sex is not the source of intimacy, but an outlet (or expression of) it. No matter how hard you try, if real emotional and spiritual intimacy does not exist before sex, it most certainly won’t after.

Sex is the avenue by which we share this intimacy we have with one another. It is a way we express the vulnerability and closeness we have shared together past and present. Therefore, as controversial as this statement may be, you are not experiencing sex in its fullness, the way God intended and offered with joy, unless you are experiencing complete intimacy apart from the physical act.  I hope this  brings hope to you. Hope of something better. Hope of something more fulfilling!

Naked and Unashamed

“Who told you that you were naked?” the LORD God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?”

Naked and Unashamed – What a concept! Complete vulnerability! No hiding. No dressing up the imperfections, flaws, etc. Visible. No shame. The superb definition of intimacy in our marriages. What would be different in your relationship if this were the case mentally, physically, spiritually? It doesn’t just have to be something we admire but can be the truth in our marriage. With God, all things are possible and when we are daily walking with him and renewing our minds to His ways and purpose we can begin to see this transformation in our relationship. Next week I will shine light on this piece of intimacy, our intimacy with God. I saved the best for last!

For my previous post on Intimacy: Why 50 Shades of Grey is Not the Problem visit here.

photo credit: Martin Gommel via photopin cc

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