Playing the Facebook Shame Game

 

Playing The Facebook Shame Game

Facebook is one of those things you hate to love. It has become almost essential in this generation. Without it I would have no idea who was getting married, who was pregnant or what the latest crisis in our world was.

This form of social media can be used for so much good , for encouragement and for information, but just like anything around us, it can easily become very negative.

I’ve seen many ugly acts on facebook. De-friending someone out of anger. Inappropriate pictures going viral. Taking someone’s name and dragging them in the dirt or just straight up negative and offensive statuses.

Possibly the most destructive statuses I have seen have been what I like to call “The Shame Game” and I think we as women love to play it the most.  The Shame Game is when someone does something that offends me or I just don’t like, so I go to facebook to air out my frustration against that person without naming them. Sometimes I give every detail I can about them but feel since I did not use their name, I am justified in my bashing.

We have all seen these.  Maybe we’ve even posted them. They seem harmless. After all it is a country with free speech and yes, you have the right to post what you want…but do you?

As a Christian, we are called to much more. In Ephesians 4:29 we are called to use only words that are good or helpful so to be an encouragement to those who hear them.

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Eph. 4:29 NLT

How can we help or encourage this person we are aiming our words at if we are not speaking to them personally or even individually.  Even more so, how can that approach do anything but leave the person involved feeling torn down and defensive.

Let’s face it, in most cases, by writing our passive aggressive post, we are hoping the person we are in opposition with will read and either change their ways or at least, know you disapprove of them. Sometimes we may even hope deep down that they will retaliate. It also feels good to receive comments or likes from people on our side, unknowingly joining in the game right along with us.

Let me ask a question. Can I just talk to you girl to girl as another women who also gets angry, gets feelings hurt, and has opinions?  Why can’t we go to that woman(and only that woman), in love, and be honest? Why can’t we follow what God calls us to do and go straight to our sister with our concern or question. Or, in some cases, why can’t we bring it straight to God and let go of it!

The truth, the hard truth is we are not brave enough!

It is so much easier to post a “random” status with our feelings hoping to get the emotions out there and rectify our position.  Yet, in the end we sever whatever relationship we could have had with that person and miss an opportunity to grow not only ourselves but in encouragement with one another.

Friends, I’m not writing this as someone who has it all together or in judgment. It honestly just breaks my heart when I see The Shame Game being played. It’s happening daily and this game is destroying any kind of community or unity we have as women. I know on the other end is someone who is hurt but going about finding healing in the wrong way. I also know that somewhere out there is another individual who feels vulnerable and crushed.

Ladies, we are going to get our feelings hurt, we are going to disagree, we are going to get angry but it is up to us as to how we respond to those feelings. Reacting in those emotions by seeking vengeance on facebook is never the answer. Whether you share a name or not, that person probably knows who you are speaking to and all the other women reading are wondering if you’re talking to them. It’s just part of who we are.

Next time your mind invites you to play the Shame Game, don’t do it but instead, show respect and message, call or even meet up with the one who your upset with. Respect them and yourself by being honest. Who knows, you might just find out the deeper meaning behind it all and find a friend in the process.

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”                         I Thessalonians 5:11

6 comments to Playing the Facebook Shame Game

  • I actually left Facebook for awhile because I was sick of seeing so many negative comments on there. I only started an account again because like you said, it is kind of necessary now-especially if you’re a blogger. I have been pleasantly surprised since I came back though at how many more comments I’m seeing trying to share God’s love. I’m sure it is because I’m following other Christian bloggers, but the nice thing about that is the more support we give our fellow Christians, the more others seem to feel empowered by also share His message of love and kindness. Thank you for a great post reminding us to stay positive, obey God’s Word and lift each other up.
    Kristi Miller recently posted…Under AttackMy Profile

  • I’ve seen this before and it’s just so disheartening. To tell you the truth, I rarely use my personal Facebook account… I just post for my blog.

    We can change this! With posts like this, that make people think before they act.

    Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop!

    Wishing you a lovely weekend.
    xoxo
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…SHINE Blog Hop #27My Profile

  • Susan

    I know you don’t know me but I love this post. Great job!!! I guess I feel facebook is a necessary evil (evil probably is too strong a word) because of what you said….marriages, births, kids pics, life, etc… And then I think, wait a minute. If I am important enough in someones life, I will know this information without facebook. And then you say, well, what about the people you know but not real good friends….I get it. My quick response would be I probably don’t need to now their day to day if I don’t really know them. Does this make any sense as I type quickly at break from work =) I, too, have taken long breaks from facebook and now, if you look at mine, it is animal pics and recipes, YUM. One of my peeves besides the negative as you so correctly describe, is the perfect life. Facebook really makes life look easy to some….and we all know its not. Not a real fan of facebook if you can’t tell =) Great post.

    • Yes, Susan, I agree with you! The negative and the perfect life are both huge on social media! I try hard to share the good and the bad with life but its so much easier to show just the “pretty” part of my day! People need to see that it is not always perfect though and it so is!! Thanks for reading an for your comment!

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