Refill, Please!



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Can I just open up a bit of my heart to you today? Be awkwardly but beautifully honest with you? After our move to Louisiana, my relationship with God has grown closer and closer. I started to say closer each day but that just wouldn’t be true! There are days that I know down deep I am longing for my time with my Father but I don’t take the time to really talk with Him. I call out to him every day. You have to as a mom. GOD, please stop me from screaming at this child! GOD, please keep them in their beds tonight and close their mouths!! GOD, please give me just one short nap! GOD, please please please let them (and me) sleep in just 30 more minutes!!  The list is endless of the requests I have for God during the day. The closeness I am talking about is that moment when you sit down, you get quiet and you really just talk to God, you’re listening to Him and you are given Peace through it all. There is nothing compared to this. Nothing that can fill your spirit and your soul like this. I used to hear people say things like this growing up and I could not understand what a “filled soul” would be. I think the older you get and the more you see your inabilities …you understand how empty your soul can be.  I need Him every hour! The words of the old hymns are brought to life.

I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
no tender voice like thine can peace afford. 
I need thee, O I need thee;
every hour I need thee;
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.- Annie S. Hawks

The more I sit with my Father, the more He gently but strongly shows me my need for Him. He shows me how weak I am without Him. On my own I am a very selfish mother. On my own, I scream and holler at everyone in my home when I finally have reached my breaking point. My own patience is gone before 9 am each morning and even coffee can’t fix that! When I go to The Healer with this, He does not just leave me there in my weakness. He tells me that I can do ANYTHING through Him for He gives me the strength. Phil. 4:13   It really doesn’t get any clearer than that and when you truly believe this in your heart, you can’t help but continue to come back for more of His strength. Why would I try to do it on my own if I don’t have to? I have a Daddy who is willing and completely longs to take care of everything for me. No, He can’t walk into my kitchen and do my dishes but, He can bring joy to my heart as I do them. Through Him I can be thankful for the dishes and the food that we have been given. What about the child that has gotten out of bed the 7th time and “has to go potty…again!” I really wish I could put my feet up and watch what He does to discipline her BUT, when I take time to spend with God in the very rare quiet moments before these anger raising encounters come I find that I have the strength to stop and breath and ask God for help before blowing up on my child. Instead I am given an extra portion of patience with my firecracker 3 year old and she is much more receptive to me. However, when I don’t take advantage of this time before the problems arise, I am quickly overwhelmed and usually I’m in tears before we even reach bed time.

So, that’s it. I just got my strength from God, He is now in charge and I am living the easy life! End of story. Boy do I wish that were the case. It just doesn’t work like that because unfortunately I am human and while I am on this earth my flesh will always get in the way. My Daddy knows this about me and that is why He has set up this time alone Daily, Hourly or even minute by minute if needed.

The other day as I sat and talked with Him about my children, my husband and my life, I called out to Him for guidance as a mom and a wife. I laid out my prayers for the ones I loved and I heard Him so clearly say to me ” Let me fill your cup up!”  This got me listening and I quickly wrote down what I was feeling in my heart. I am weak (as I said before) but when I go to God He fills me with His Strength. “The joy of the Lord is my strength” Neh. 8:10 However, I am to pour all that He fills in me into other lives. Right now, mostly that is my children and my husband. At some point, my “cup” is empty again and I need a refill. “As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.” Ps. 42:1  In order to be able to pour into these people I love so much, I have to be filled again. I wrote in my book that I was reading that day, ” Fill my soul with all you are. Love, patience, kindness, self control etc.  I want to pour it all out to those around me , give it all away and bring me to you over again, daily, hourly, each minute to be filled again. REPEAT!”

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It is so simple. Let Him fill you, pour it out to those He brings to you and then go back for more! He warns us though in I Peter 4:8 “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” This is when it gets more complicated. The last thing the devil wants is for you to wake up, spend time with the Lord and stay in conversation with Him throughout the day. It would put him out of business and fast! So, he does everything he can to keep you from it.  He’s in the soft pillow in the morning when I wake up to that alarm, knowing I have a few minutes before the kids wake up to spend with Him, but I go back to sleep instead. It may only be 15 minutes but I needed it!! (that’s what I tell myself later) He’s in the time when all the kids lay down for a nap, I am headed out on the porch with my Bible and notepad but on the way I see one of my favorite shows just happens to be on right now.  God doesn’t condemn me for these moments. He knows and warns that I will struggle but that again is why He pleads with me to sit with him. He pleads with me to seek him with ALL of my heart! The God of the universe is waiting, eagerly longing to talk with me, listen with me and fill me. Say it again! The God of the UNIVERSE is waiting for ME. He wants to listen and talk to ME!  He wants to give to ME! Oh, the days I miss something more. Something this world can’t give. It truly is painful to think about. Good news is, as a new day rises, I can start new! He will be there!

…The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes… – Matt Redman, 10,000 Reasons


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