The Big Lie I Believed as a Wife


The Big Lie I Believed as a Wife

I have always thought that I was a pretty good wife. Of course, I have my faults and I know there is always room to grow but considering the struggle our marriage has been through, I was doing a great job.

If I were to be completely honest with you..I mean COMPLETELY HONEST…I would tell you that at times, I have thought he was pretty lucky to have me! Yup! I said it.

He’s got it pretty good, really. I cook his favorite meals and clean up the mess. I do my best to keep the kids in order and teach them here at home. His clothes are mostly clean whenever he needs them. The house is in as much order as it can be with three wild kids. I pray for him every day and try to encourage him throughout by text or with my words. I rub his back, shave my legs and try to keep things exciting in the bedroom!

So, what do you think?  Pretty good wife, right? What else could he want?

There is a lie I am believing though. I have fully bought into this lie. I have believed the lie that I am respecting my husband. I realized the truth as I read this statement

 “Respect even includes something as small as not rolling your eyes at another’s actions or words. Respect is a choice; it is not based on what someone does but on who he or she is – A PERSON CREATED BY GOD. ” -Vicki Rose Every Reason to Leave 

Ouch! Three words that got my attention…Rolling Your Eyes. I am so good at rolling my eyes. Sometimes he sees it, sometimes he doesn’t. He says something I don’t agree with <eye roll>. He says something that is just not funny <eye roll>.  He makes another promise I don’t expect him to keep <eye roll, eye roll>.

But, I don’t do it to be disrespectful. My mouth is shut and I had so much I wanted to say so shouldn’t an eye roll be honorable? Nope. We all know, if your eyes are rolling you pretty much are feeling no respect for that person at all, whether they see it or not!

That is not all.  I wish it stopped with the eye roll but God revealed some other ways I show total disrespect for this man who is supposed to be my best friend. I pick at him about something that inwardly I am mad at. Instead of just coming out and being honest about my feelings in love, I prod and use sarcasm to make sure my point is made.

In front of the kids, I insult him. They may not see it and honestly, sometimes he may not even notice but inside I know.

There are so many more little ways I completely disrespect my husband but that is just it, they seem so little. Something as little as an eye roll or a sarcastic comment may feel innocent but  years or even months of this add up until before long, you can’t find even an ounce of respect in your heart for the man you have torn down with your eyes and thoughts.

Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29b  

If I were to take this verse to heart and live my life according to it, and I should, then how different would my relationship with my husband look? What if everything I said to him was good and helpful? What if each word out of my mouth was meant to encourage him and those around me that heard them.

You see, not only are my words to my husband important but also my words about him that I speak to others. What am I saying about this man to our children, to our family, and to our friends?

As a wife, I wasn’t commanded to love my husband (although God does command me to love everyone) because He knew that wouldn’t come as hard. I love to cook for him, to fill his drawers with clean clothes and to look nice for him. That is part of who I am.

However, He did know I would struggle to RESPECT him. He knew the way he chose to handle situations would annoy me and his differences would cause me frustration. He also knew that the one thing that would make my man feel most loved and give him strength was my big struggle….RESPECT.

I have not mastered this at all. I still roll my eyes or huff under my breath.  Just today I picked at him in front of the kids, knowing that deep down in my heart I was hurt and was hoping he would see that through my joking.

BUT, I stopped believing the lie and am choosing to change it.

I stopped telling myself that I had this thing down pretty well and that this man was  lucky to have me. My eyes were opened to my imperfections and as hard as it was to take, it was humbling.

So deeply I want this verse to be truth for my husband and that at the end of each day he can say this of me.

“Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good not harm, all the days of her life” Proverbs 31:11-12

Proverbs 31


In the end, it comes down to that last sentence in what I read from Vicki Rose “Respect is a choice; it is not based on what someone does but on who he or she is – A PERSON CREATED BY GOD. ” 

My husband is a man created by God. Based on what he does sometimes, respect is undeserved or even foolish but based on who he is, a creation and child of God, He deserves my utmost respect and love.

So when the lie comes to you. When you begin to think that he has it pretty good, or that you fully respect him, ask yourself, are you treating him as God’s creation, God’s gift and God’s given leader for your home?  Ask God to reveal to you, as I did, where your husband needs the most respect and where you are not showing that to him. Begin to intentionally offer your love in this way and watch God bring your marriage to a place you never knew it could go. Watch as your husband thrives because of the strength your respect gives him.

**This is a hard one, ladies, so please let me know if there is any way that I can pray for you in the comments or email me! I would love to pray for you through this.**

33 comments to The Big Lie I Believed as a Wife

  • I am busted on this one as well. At first I didn’t even notice what I was doing. And I’m still deep in the ‘working on it’ phase, but I am working (on it). Posts like yours today helps keep my focus where it needs to be. Thank you. :O)
    LuAnn Braley recently posted…A Winter’s Respite Read-a-Thon (My Sign-up)My Profile

  • Let’s pray for each other girl! Sharing!
    Julie recently posted…Why I’m Glad I got Post Partum Depression a Second TimeMy Profile

  • Thank you so much for sharing this. I found out I was not the awesome wife I thought I was the hard way. Wish I’d read words like these sooner!
    Amanda recently posted…Friday Wrap UpMy Profile

  • Amber

    YES!! I am so appreciating this reminder to keep persevering in this & would really appreciate prayer!

    • Amber, I will most definitely pray for you in this area. I seriously will. Thank you so much for your comment. We will lift one another up together because as soon as I posted this, I started to struggle in it myself. Funny how when I write about it, I am tested in it!

  • Such important truth, Cassandra! I, too, can be quick to pat myself on the back for this or that, and overlook the small things that reveal all the ugliness still lurking in my heart. I think all wives need prayer in this area, as I’m convinced it’s one that we must fight for vigilantly and endlessly! Between Satan’s attacks and the prideful tendencies of our own flesh, we don’t have a chance apart from God’s grace that always promises to be enough. Where would we ever be without it? Thanks for stepping on my toes with this article!
    Jennifer recently posted…four words that will radically impact your hardest relationshipsMy Profile

  • This was a great read! It is so easy to think that you are doing things right because you aren’t saying anything, or being direct. But the sarcastic comments and the eye rolls do add up, and eventually the kids will start to see it and notice. Thank you for sharing!
    Kaylene recently posted…Why a Work At Home Mom is Finishing Her DegreeMy Profile

    • How true it is that the kids will notice. Already, when we do have a little argument in front of them, they always tell him to be nice to mommy. Even when I am completely wrong. They notice so much. Thanks for reading!

  • I have to be completely honest since you led by such a great example… I, too, have thought to myself that my husband was pretty lucky to have me as his wife, rolled my eyes more times than I can count, and everyone who knows me also knows that I would never in a million years claim to be perfect although my actions say differently at times.

    Thank you for opening my eyes to the ways I am, however unknowingly, being disrespectful to my husband, the love of my life. Reflecting on what you have said in this post, you are so right as my husband does thrive on the moments and the times when I am being the good wife God wants me to be by completely honoring and respecting him.

    I can always use an extra prayer or two especially when it comes to changing the things I mentioned above. Though I don’t know a wife who couldn’t use an extra prayer here and there…

    Stopping by from the #SHINEbloghop.

    Wishing you a blessed day!

    Much love,

    Lysa xx
    Lysa from Welcome to My Circus recently posted…Just Like Uncle Sam, I Want You… But For a Completely Different Reason!My Profile

    • Lysa, You will most definitely be in my prayers. This respect thing is no joke and as soon as I hit publish on this post, the testing started and God wanted to know if I truly believed it. As women, we have to lift our sister’s up in prayer in this. Thanks so much for your honesty. So good to meet you!

  • This is a great topic. Respecting our husbands in this imperfect world is a very difficult though necessary thing. And I agree with you – respect is a choice. And it’s not because they are perfect; it’s not because they act respectable all the time; it is because they deserve our respect because of their God-given position. So many times women forget that. And your right – it is incredibly difficult. When Adam & Eve sinned God told Eve that man “will dominate” woman, and for thousands of years that is the case. It is often painful and sometimes unfair, but God gave us principles outlined in his Word that help us to wisely deal. I cannot share details of my own situation, as I am a new blogger and choose to not air certain things in my life, but I have found two things to be true: 1)being obedient to God is ALWAYS the right thing to do (Isaiah 48:17) and can bring us peace in a spiritual sense – peace and a good conscience and 2) giving that respect (ultimately being obedient to what God has said when he tells us to deeply respect our husbands) helps to heap “fiery coals” upon our mates head, and influence our husbands for the better, therefore bettering even the most difficult situations and bringing love, joy and peace to our families.
    {Sorry so long; I just really enjoyed this post and topic.} Thank you for sharing!
    Lindsey recently posted…5 Ways To Make a Genuine Connection With Your ChildMy Profile

    • Lindsey, You can write a long comment anytime! I appreciate the interaction! Yes, you are so right with #2 and I hadn’t even thought of that verse in this context. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I had just sent that verse to a friend the other day that was dealing with some anger issues but I am going to remember that in marriage also. Not that I ever think we should want to harm our husbands but honestly they do some things that really don’t make any sense and respecting them through it and praying for God’s strength and lead in both of your lives will truly bring God’s glory. Thanks for the comment!

  • Kay

    Wow there is so much wisdom in this article. Hard to keep up with but now that I’m embarking on a second relationship, I hope to keep these in mind.
    Thanks so much
    Kay recently posted…Living in a Land of DivorceesMy Profile

  • Ouch! I love my husband desperately, but admit I STINK at the respect thing. I have been convicted about it many times over the years, and with four little boys, it makes it even more serious. Thank you for this post – it’s very timely for me, and laid out so simply and matter-of-fact – something my addled brain can comprehend.
    Jenn recently posted…Loving like ChristMy Profile

    • Awe, thank you Jenn. It was an OUCH for me too! And, as soon as I hit publish..the testing began. Do I really believe it? That has been the test since. Thank you for reading and for your kind comment.

  • This was very eye-opening. I’ve always tried to give the same respect my husband gives me, but never realized that my actions could deter from that. The notion that my child can pick on these actions–as grand or as small as they are–is a game changer for. I never thought about my child when interacting with my husband, and that’s a good point you made in your post. It’s not just me and him and my daughter–it’s us…together. So I’ll be more mindful and try harder, as a wife, to respect my husband. For the sake of our marriage and to set a great example for my daughter. Thank you for such a great post. It changed my perspective for the better.
    Maria recently posted…The One with a Hand to Hold {Letter to my Daughter Vol. 4 }My Profile

    • I am so glad that these words were able to shine some light on the for you, Maria. The first time my daughter got angry with my husband for raising his voice at me, when I knew I had caused it…I knew this was a problem. Praying God’s strength for you in this area!

  • This is a great reminder. I love that no matter what someone does, you can still respect them because they’re a child of God and you don’t need any other reason. Makes it easier. 🙂

    Followed you from the #SHINEbloghop
    Jenny @ Unremarkable Files recently posted…The Open-Concept NightmareMy Profile

  • i just left a comment on another one of your post glad i found your blog love reading them all !!! Found you through the shine blog hop.
    Laci recently posted…Liquid Love On A BudgetMy Profile

  • Another wonderful and powerful post Cassandra.

    I love your commitment to truly and fully loving your husband in every action, in every decision, in everything you do.

    Yes, sometimes our body language can show a love that is less than… this is a great reminder to be aware of that.

    Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop. I hope you’ll pop by and link up again tomorrow.

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…7 Frustrating Things People Say to a Homeschooling ParentMy Profile

  • […] The Big Lie I Believed as a Wife – Raising Up Stones […]

  • Guilty! This is such a true post. I do this all the time. I am glad I read this as a reminder to be a better wife!
    April recently posted…Ladies and Gentlemen, Amateur HourMy Profile

  • Oh this is a good one my friend. Thank you for the gentle encouragement.
    Starla J @ Pressing In and Pressing On recently posted…Feelings are Not Facts.My Profile

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