To the Woman Who Feels Judged For What She is Reading


To the Woman Who Feels Judged For What She is Reading


Friend, when hearing you don’t see any problem with books such as 50 Shades of Grey, I don’t judge you. I really don’t. That may be hard to believe in a world of woman who are so quick to throw shame on anyone who doesn’t believe or live the way they do.

Please know that I do not want to judge you at all. I only write to beg you to truly seek God.

Seek God first.

I hear over and over that these books are just books and that the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey  movie is just a movie. I have been told many times that it had no affect on you or that it actually helped your sex life.

While yes, these are just books and movies and there will be hundreds more like them, there is something so much deeper about them.

Erotica, which is what they are classified under, by definition is literature or art intended to arouse sexual desire.  That is their intention, to arouse you sexually.

I know you don’t think this book is pornography. It probably makes you angry that I would even try to compare it. But, here is the definition of porn; printed or visual material intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.

None of these definitions were my own words. I found them in the dictionary.

These books are erotica. It says so on amazon.  Erotica is intended to arouse sexual desire and pornography is intended to stimulate erotic  or emotional feelings. We both can agree that is  the same thing.

As the wife of a recovered porn addict, my heart breaks that we are ok with this.  It is like a drug. It takes you and makes you think it is not a big deal, that you are just enjoying something sexual and didn’t God create sex?

Sound familiar? It should, because that is the same lie the devil told Eve. What is so wrong with the fruit in that tree? Didn’t God create it too?

You are probably sick of seeing the great controversy against these books. Truth is, so am I. I wish it didn’t have to be a controversy and that we didn’t have to fight against the lie that we are believing…the lie that I was believing.

I can’t just ignore this burden that God has given me for you though. The Bible tells me to speak the truth in love and if you could only know the hours I have spent in prayer over just this post, praying that nothing but love and truth will spill out of my words.

I’m not trying to judge for I am not The Judge. That is God’s job. However, as a Christian , a Christ follower, I am called to be unashamed of the Gospel of Christ. He has called me to encourage and lift up my sisters and whether you can see it right now as that or not, I truly am trying to encourage you.

I am trying to encourage you to accept more.

I encourage you to not give in to the lie, into the popular belief that sex is just acts that make us feel good but that God meant it to  be so much more. He created true intimacy as a beautiful picture of His love for us.

The problem is , the more He created it for gets tainted when we add in erotica and porn. We can’t have them both. It can’t work that way.

This is completely true in my marriage.

While my husband was struggling and through my own erotic and pornographic struggles, we were intimate. In fact, it could get really hot and steamy after indulging in the porn that we viewed separately and secretly. I was ready to go almost instantly and in that moment it seemed helpful. Until, it wasn’t anymore. It got to the point I needed more or even to the place that I didn’t even really need him and I know he could say the same of me.

But what if it’s not an addiction you have. I wasn’t addicted either , though I couldn’t see it at the time,  it still had its affect on me and was slowly making me believe lies about my marriage…about my husband and my happiness.

Our sex life was cold, it was just movements. It wasn’t awful…but it was nothing compared to now. When you decide to say no to images, no to the scenes these books create in your head and yes to God and your husband, yes to only those two, something beautiful happens and the oneness you feel with your spouse and God can not be replicated in a book.

Seek God. Let me say that again. Bring God into your intimate acts with your husband and I promise you there is nothing more beautiful or fulfilling that you’ll ever experience.

You may think I am completely wrong, and I understand that. Can I just be honest though. That is part of the lie.

Every word I have said is from God’s word. I have not spoken anything today that gives me glory. I have been honest about my own sin yet God in his grace brought me to see truth and restored me. Everything I have said is in God’s word.

There are a lot of ugly blogs and posts going out all over with the movie coming out. I cringe when I see them. On both sides we have forgotten what is behind it all, the devil and he not only wants us believing lies but he also wants us fighting each other about them.

I have no desire to fight against you. I just ask that you consider something.

First of all, as I have said twice already, seek God.  Ask Him what He would have you do. By all means, don’t look to me as your example! Seek Him before anything  you read or watch.

Second,  Consider reading this book, Pulling Back The Shades by Dr. Juli Slattery and Danna Gresh.  When I picked it up to read, I honestly just thought I would be learning some things to help other women, instead it changed my heart in so many areas and my eyes to the sin I have been believing lies about in my own life.

The book is a quick read but packed full of love and support but also truth. I would recommend this book to erotic book lovers, pastor’s wives , young married women, single women, porn addicts and women like me who God just wants to speak to about His beautiful plan for your intimate relationship not only with your spouse but with Him.

I am praying for you. I seriously am.  NOT because I think you are a sinner that needs to turn her ways, NOT because I can’t believe you actually read that stuff but because I am another woman who has desires.  I am a woman who has many sins that she has to bring to the Lord each day but  I am also a child of God that has been given a burden to see you experience God’s very best and a burden to tell you the truth instead of the lie.



 I wish I could give away one of these books to every one of you.  It is that good! I am taking the chance though to give out a copy here and also stop by my Instagram for a chance to have a Ebook copy of the book! I will be doing a giveaway there also!



a Rafflecopter giveaway




7 comments to To the Woman Who Feels Judged For What She is Reading

  • Kimberly

    I love this so much. Will be sharing with my friends.

  • This is a wonderful post urging women to think about the material they fill their minds with. I applaud your compassion and boldness and I’m SUPER excited for “Pulling Back the Shades”, I hope I WIN! 😀
    Holly Brown recently posted…An Amish Second Christmas {Book Review}My Profile

    • Thanks so much Holly! I was nervous in sending it out. I know it is not being received well from some but I know without a shadow of a doubt God has put this on my heart and when He calls you to something you have to follow. I hope you get this book too. it really is amazing!

  • Wow! What a powerful post my friend.

    I’ve never read 50 Shades of Grey and nor would I. I want my love and desire to come from and fully surround my husband and the feelings and look of him.

    I want my mind to be filled with God’s word. There are so many other things vying for my mind’s attention I don’t want erotic or pornography to steal any of it.

    Thanks so much for sharing and linking it up to the #SHINEbloghop.

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…SHINE Blog Hop #33My Profile

  • Thank you for honesty. It is powerful when it is a first encounter situation. We have to always be intentional to realize how powerful things we get into our mind are. It took me a long time to cleanse my mind of certain movies I watched as a teenager. Whenever, the thoughts came to my mind I would repeat, Psalm 51:10, Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” So now I will tell anyone I think will listen be careful to guard your mind. God warns us in Matthew 5:28 to guard our mind, and I think it is so important “but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart”. I am so glad God brought you victory and now you can encourage others to do the same in love. God bless you.

  • Thank you for being so honest, and authentic! I really appreciated this post!!
    Heather recently posted…DIY Kissing BoothMy Profile

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>




CommentLuv badge