Why I May Never Say I’m Done Having Babies

 

Why I May Never Say I'm Done Having Babies

 

I’ve read many blog posts lately, speaking to the mom who knows she won’t have any more children or to the mom who does not want any more  but feels judged for that.  Funny how it seems everyone has an opinion on how many you should have!

It is not easy, this mothering process, and we were each created differently. Just as we were taught at a young age that everyone is different and to celebrate their differences, every mom is different. Why can’t we celebrate our differences as mothers, too? Maybe I need to write a post about that….hmmm.

Back to this topic, though. Some women want one child, some want many. Some said they never wanted any and end up with many and some have many but would love to just be back to “normal”.  There are those who wait until they are set in life before they begin the mothering journey, some who feel there is no reason to wait and then others who really didn’t get a chance to even make a decision.

Then there is the woman who longs to feel a child growing in her. She dreams of holding the hand of her child and my heart breaks for her. My soul literally cries out for comfort over this dear friend.

Just as everyone is different, I have my own convictions and beliefs.

I have three children (ages 5, 3 and 18 months) and most of the time I get asked if I am finally done. As if I am some addict of child birthing. “oh, you have your hands full! You know what causes that, right?”

I have really fought a battle in my heart on this one. On one hand, the common sense and logical side of me sees their point. We are not thriving financially, but we have what we need. We have a small home  but we are comfortable. At the moment we have only one car, but we get where we need to go. I am tired. I do get overwhelmed and I struggle at times to get just a few minutes to myself.

Then, I read in the Bible that children are a BLESSING. In the Old Testament  children were a sign of God’s favor. It was also the first commandment gievn to man, “Be fruitful and multiply”. I would venture to say that one of God’s most precious and priceless blessings is a child.

Children are a gift from the Lord;
    they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man
    are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! 

Ps. 127:3-5a

I , personally, can not say that I am done being blessed. Now, don’t get me wrong. If you can not have children or choose not to have any more, I am not ,by any means, saying that that is the end of your blessings. Of course not! I am just saying that, for me, I believe I have not felt God tell me He is done blessing me this way.

Does having more scare me?

Yup!

I think on this often. The whole process in the hospital scares me to go through again. Sawyer, my 18 month old, was a big boy and I honestly felt like I might die on that hospital bed. The pain was almost unbearable!

The thought of starting at the beginning with another child scares me. There is the breastfeeding, which honestly I do miss but man, it is hard in the beginning! Can I go through teething again and sleepless nights, learning to walk and all the falling and screaming that comes with that?

I am afraid I couldn’t handle it all. Would having more finally send me over the edge?!?!  haha You know what I mean, mom! Some days you wonder how you stayed sain enough to even get to the end of the day and if I add more to the demands, is that the end of nice mommy?!

All of these fears do not outweigh what is on my heart though and that is, I AM NOT DONE.

So there you have it.

If you were wondering…family, friends aquaintances and mere passers by….I am not done having kids.

I don’t know if God will bless me with more. We are not even “trying” for another one.  I can not be sure that in a few months He will set my heart at peace and tell me that my family is complete.

My family of 5 gives me joy and I am content if this is what He has for me, yet I will rejoice if He adds more to the chaos…because how could I not open my hands to receive that blessing from Him?

One argument I have heard against having any more is how hard having a large family can be. The money can be tight, the stress high and you are limited in what you can do . But, I have to ask, looking back,  which of your children would you have not wanted? Which son or daughter could you have lived without?

Of course, they wouldn’t give back one minute of any child because as a mom, you love each one desperately. That is why God’s ways are not our ways. In our view, the very narrow view we have in this world, having more than 2 or 3 children seems foolish. It gets in the way of our plans and limits us.

But, God knows the plans He has for us and if we are looking to Him to fulfill those plans He will give us success and prosperity. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I can not feel uncomfortable anymore because of what God has spoken to my heart. When someone asks me if I am done or why I would even think to have another I have to stand firm in my faith that God will see His will through in my life and will provide for any blessing He chooses to give me.

My hope is that I can encourage you if this is what you feel in your heart. It isn’t always popular and opinions on the matter can be very discouraging. Can I just encourage you, friend? Sometimes it is hard to understand where or how God is working in another’s life and this is no exception. You don’t have to explain why you are following God with your life. You just are asked to follow and let Him give you peace and comfort.

As for me?  We will just see what God has in store!

25 comments to Why I May Never Say I’m Done Having Babies

  • Kasey

    Thank you for for writing this. This is a dele a I have been struggling with for a while now. I have 2 girls ages 3 and 1 and most days I feel like I could not add anything else to my plate. However I feel I might be able to overcome that. What I really struggle with is my body. I am 230 pounds and I desperately want to be healthy. In between my first and second I lost 30lbs and was just under 200 pounds and I was so excited to be on a roll to being healthy. We were unexpectedly blessed with our second child and I had to start at ground zero. I worry about my ability to be healthy but I also do not feel as if God has told me I am done. The comfort I found in your post is a blessing. It is wonderful to know there are others who feel like me.

    • I am so grateful for you comment. AS in your situation, it isn’t all clear as to how it will work but faith is key. So glad you found comfort in the words God laid on my heart. It isn’t a popular conviction at all but it is full of blessings!

  • Thank you so much for sharing this post. I have three boys (almost 5, almost 4, and 17 months) and the younger two have special needs. We hear from friends and family constantly that we have too much on our plate and that we already have too many kids. I am a firm believer in leaving this in God’s hands. I would love a large family, but we will see what happens. For now, I am not done having children. I don’t think that I will say I’m done having children until it is physically impossible for me to have any more. Can you imagine if you went around talking about how thankful you were to be done, and then you got pregnant? I just think of how sad for that baby!
    Kaylene recently posted…Why a Work At Home Mom is Finishing Her DegreeMy Profile

    • God bless you on this journey, Kaylene. Sometimes what God calls us to is not what the majority are doing and it is hard to hear the criticism. I have felt so foolish at times thinking that we may have another or answering people that I am not sure I am done. In my heart I know I am following God though and I have to always bring my mind back to that place.

  • I remember feeling like I would never feel “done.” We have 7 bio children, and adopted 3 more. I can honestly say that we’re DONE, because our last child is severely handicapped and will require lifelong total care. Yes, I miss babies and the exciting newness of all that goes along with them, but that God given desire for more children is no longer there. My quiver is full. (My house is full, my van is full, my laundry room is full… my fridge, however, is usually empty!)
    Shecki @ Greatly Blessed recently posted…Always On My MindMy Profile

    • What a blessing! Full is good. Full is tiring I am sure, too. I completely believe that just as God lays on your heart when He is not finished, He also lays on your heart when you are full. Thanks so much for your comment!

  • Cassandra, you may feel like you can’t handle anymore sometimes. But God is good and when you ask him and tell him your desires and concerns he will help you. I’ve prayed before letting God know that I’m struggling, but if he thinks I can handle another then I’m willing to let him bless our family as he sees fit. I have 6 children and one on the way and I wouldn’t wish it any different, even on the hard days when I just wish I could have a few minutes to collect my thoughts.
    Suanna recently posted…34 Weeks of Clean – Week 3: Kitchen CabinetsMy Profile

  • I actually felt the way you feel now after child #1 and #2. At child #3 I felt a switch turn off in me signaling that was definitely it. But, that feeling that you do have about wanting more is VERY hard to ignore. I’m glad you will be content either way. Good luck with whatever He has in store for you. #mom2momlinkup
    Serena @ Simple Holistic Girl recently posted…5 Ways Veganism Changed My Life (and How It Can Change Yours, Too) + GiveawayMy Profile

    • Thanks so much for reading, Serena. I felt after baby #2 that I had to have one right away…like a month after she was born. That girl did EVERYTHING early…including being born 3 weeks early. I was pretty content after my #3 but I have still had that openness in my heart and feeling that I am not completely done. The longing isn’t painful as it was with my 2nd but it is just an opening in my heart, ready for something God may have.

  • I’d love to encourage in the journey of trusting God! Several years ago, we felt very strongly convicted that family planning belonged to the Lord, not to us. We just had our fourth and are looking forward to more! It’s not easy. We have a child with special needs, and I get hyperemesis during pregnancy. The workload is getting bigger with each child. But we are so joyful in the journey because we are trusting God to give us each child in His perfect timing. If He doesn’t want us to have any more, He will not give us any more. But if He does, we know that it is His perfect plan. There is such peace in that decision.

    Blessings!
    Diana

  • I’ve written several times about this same subject on my own blog – regardless of how many children we end up with (we currently have 5), I don’t think I’ll ever say I’m “done.”

    Besides, I’ve known too many couples that have been “done,” been blessed with another anyway, and later told me that they couldn’t possibly envision their family without him/her.

    Thanks for the food for thought.
    Jenny @ Unremarkable Files recently posted…The Open-Concept NightmareMy Profile

    • Thanks Jenny! That is exactly why I wrote this. I think unless God lays it on your heart that you are complete or He closes the womb, you can not be sure He is done building your family. As scary as that can be for planning and future, it is exciting to think of the little people I will get to raise and love!

  • […] Why I May Never Say I’m Done Having Babies Raising Up Stones […]

  • When I read this post,I almost felt as though I was the one who wrote it. I have four children and not one of them I would have preferred to live without. I still have a desire and openness for more. I do get ask that infamous “Are you done yet?” Question too. My answer is A resounding no.I am open to more of God’s presious blessings.
    Latisha recently posted…10 Personalized Valentine’s Day gift Ideas You May Not Have Thought ofMy Profile

  • I have 7 children, and while most days I don’t see how we could possibly add another child to our family, I just can’t say we are done. I don’t feel that I will be at peace with ‘being done’ until God closes my womb.

    I want to caution women who say that God has shown them they are done or has laid it on their heart that their family is complete – GOD can and does change hearts. I’ve been there! Done as done can be, and more than once – content with my family size and wholeheartedly done! But God has changed my heart (and my husband’s) a few times now and we will now keep our arms open to more children until God physically doesn’t allow it anymore. So, I guess what I’m saying is even if you think you are done, don’t do anything permanent as far as birth control – you never know what God has planned for your future.
    Sarah @ My Joy-Filled Life recently posted…Flirty Aprons Valentine’s Day SaleMy Profile

  • Dawn

    Great post. I have 5 children here on earth. I don’t know what God has planned for our future. I mainly wanted to comment though to encourage you. When I had my first 3 I too had 3 under 5 years old. Looking back I remember being tired a lot, but the memories of those years are so sweet. By the time I had our daughter my oldest was 7. What a huge difference that made! Seven year olds can be so helpful. Then a few years later in my 5th pregnancy my 2 olders were making lunches for everyone. At the time I remember wondering how on earth I could have had the older babies without my big helpers. Of course there are still different dynamics that come into play with larger families, but as you said each one is worth it.

  • Kelly

    Love this post! We have 6 children currently. I remember back to the days we had 3 or 4 kiddos & feeling ashamed by some people’s shock & horror that we would be adding more to our family. I’m over that now. I have learned it only matters what our Heavenly Father thinks. I think you said it best – God’s ways are not our ways & we have a very narrow view. I am so glad we serve a BIG God & we can rest knowing He provides for us no matter our number. He has no limits.

    • Yes Kelly, I have felt that ashamed feeling also. You dread that look at the store that you get and it is even worse when someone acts up. Almost as if it is your fault for having too many! THank you for reading!

  • Thanks for this post!
    Shiloh recently posted…GratitudeMy Profile

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